The,Perils,Being,Right,Watchin DIY The Perils of Being Right
When starting a new work at home business it is very easy to become consumed by it. We spend so much time trying to get the business up and running that we may end up becoming burned out and lose our motivation. There is so much to learn and Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;mso-style-noshow:yes;mso-style-parent:"";mso-padding-alt:0in
Watching the US presidential debates last week, I marveled at the intense conviction of the candidates -- each shaking his head in utter disbelief at the others wrong-headedness in trying to prove that his world view, his opinions were right, and the others wrong. Of course, that is the nature of politics. But out here in the complex, complicated world of nuance we actually live in, whats right is not so clearly obvious. Why We Think It Matters Sometimes the need to be right ties into issues of self-esteem, self-confidence or narcissism i.e egos are at the wheel. Other times, it stems from cognitive dissonance that state of mental tension that according to Elliot Aronson, co-author of Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me), occurs whenever a person holds two cognitions (ideas, attitudes, beliefs, opinions) that are psychologically inconsistent, such as "smoking is a dumb thing to do because it could kill me" and "I smoke two packs a day." Considering two contradictory ideas at the same time is uncomfortable and people spend a lot of energy trying to make sense out of contradictions and lead lives that are, at least in their own minds, consistent and meaningful. When you confront them with the folly of their ways, youre screwing up their strategy.Why It Doesnt Matter (As Much As We Think)Strictly speaking, a determination of right and wrong applies only to facts; with opinions which are a subjective view or judgment there can only be shades of gray. So, while we dont have to agree wholeheartedly with someone, when we doggedly insist we are right (and they are wrong), we lose out in several ways: 1) We lose the opportunity to acquire information that would enrich our understanding. Playing the know-it-all discourages others from sharing ideas and information that could be valuable. Even the brightest minds are open to other opinions. In fact, thats how they grew so bright, by integrating new ideas and admitting their mistakes. Albert Einstein, for example, admitted parts of his theory of relativity were wrong when Edwin Hubble showed proof that the universe was expanding. (Please dont ask me to explain further.)2) We lose the opportunity to connect. If you are right but alienate everyone around you, is it worth it? Gail Blanke, resident life coach at Real Simple magazine, recounts the story of her friend who, peeved with her husband, was going to make sure he finally took out the window air conditioners over the New Years holiday because they were all freezing from the drafts. Youre right, Gail told her friend, but you can be committed to being right about how wrong he is not to have taken out those air conditioners sooner, or you can be committed to having a really delightful weekend together. But you cant have both. A ticked-off guy usually isnt all that romantic. Ultimately, her friend opted for the romantic weekend and her husband took out the air conditioners without being asked.3) We lose the opportunity to be heard. Wouldnt you rather have someone make the effort to understand your point of view even if, ultimately, they dont agree? At the end of the day, people would rather be understood than right. Bonus: When you dont make it about them being wrong theyre more likely to come around to your way of seeing things.The Bottom LineThe good news: there is no universal scorekeeper tallying up the mistakes and mis-steps of our lives. It may take a little humility and emotional control (thats the bad news), but ask yourself: Whats my real goal? Do I want to win this battle, or do I want to have a better relationship (working environment, commute, etc.)?Am I right?
The,Perils,Being,Right,Watchin