Men,Relationship-The,Superhero DIY Men in Relationship-The Superhero

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Men in Relationship:The Superhero - Heart FreedomIn popular culture such as the cinema, superheroes are rarelyassociated with mature, fulfilling, sexual relationships. However, theycan and should be. Doing so would begin the process of popularizing amodel worthy of emulation, the hero as warrior and lover, all rolledinto one glorious human being. The contribution this shift in attitudecould make toward the well-being of humanity in general, and forpersonal happiness in particular, is extremely significant. The heroicwarrior-lover is a worthy replacement for the lonely Hollywoodwarrior-savior/destroyer.Superhero stories usually include the following powerful humanqualities: overcoming extreme hardships, winning in spite of numeroussetbacks and defeats, valiant actions in selfless service to others,extreme courage in the face of incredible threats, risk taking againstimpossible odds, kindness to strangers, and miraculous abilities.Warrior-lovers need to display degrees of these qualities if theirrelationship is to flourish. The primary task of the relationshipsuperhero is not to seek out evil and destroy it, nor to dispensejustice, but rather to enter unreservedly into a covenant of love. AsJoseph Campbell states, "…where we thought to slay another, we shallslay ourselves; where we had thought to travel outward, we shall cometo the center of our own existence; where we had thought to be alone,we shall be with all the world."James Carse, professor of the history and literature of religion,differentiates between finite and infinite games. A finite game iscompetitive. Its purpose is to win—implying that there is one winner,everyone else loses, and then the game ends. On the other hand,infinite games are cooperative. Their purpose is to continue playingindefinitely, and every player is a winner. Competitive finite gamesfocus on the end result, attaching little value to the playing of thegame itself. Such games can become very nasty. Cooperative infinitegames focus on the unfolding play—the journey is more important thanthe final destination. These games generate experiences of deepconnection and intense feelings of love, devotion, and happiness.Your challenge: Become a heroic warrior-lover.Most board games, card games, and sports games, such as Monopoly,poker, and baseball are finite games. Life activities (games in ourterminology) that involve ongoing interactive relationships, likemarriage and business, can be played as either finite or infiniteaccording to the preferences of the players. The nature of therelationships, not the structure of most life games, determines if theyare finite or infinite. One notable exception is that most finite ofall finite games, the game of war, in which one party must vanquish theother. There's no other way to play the game of war. One' only optionis whether to play the game or not.In life games, if the nature of the relationship is primarilycompetitive, it's likely to be finite. If the nature of therelationship is primarily cooperative the game will more likely beplayed as infinite. When marriages work, they are splendid infinitegames wherein both partners strive to create love for a lifetimetogether, such as in the movie The Notebook, starringJames Garner and Gena Rowlands. When marriages don't work they can rankamong the nastiest of finite games, as in the film The War of the Roses, starring Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner.The warrior-lover is certainly a winner, adept at playing both typesof games and winning them all, but, because his intimate relationshipsare treated as infinite cooperative games, both parties win, and thegame can go on for a lifetime. Hence, the mature warrior-lover is notonly at ease with commitment, monogamy, and intense lifelongrelationships, he is also a master of the skills needed to create them.Joseph Campbelli describes two essential levels of myths, the localsocializing myth and the universal archetypal myth. Although the localsocializing myth ties us closely together with others in our familiesand community, it often excludes all those outside that community. Theuniversal archetypal myth, on the other hand, connects us to all lifeon the planet and beyond into a mystical cosmos. The heroicwarrior-lover walks in both worlds. He opens his heart to joinintimately with all other human beings in respect and tolerance, whileat the same time he bonds with one other human being—his spouse—insublime sexual union. The combined hero warrior-lover is an archetypefor the complete man and woman—the apex of human possibility. There canbe no higher aspiration, no greater accomplishment, no more urgenttransformation to ensure survival of the planet Earth.Excerpted from our new book Sensual Love Secrets for Couples: The Four Freedoms of Body, Mind, Heart and Soul, by Al Link and Pala Copeland, Llewellyn, 2007