What,Are,Boundaries,especially DIY What Are Boundaries (especially for Latinas!)?
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Our boundaries can be around our needs, our desires and our relationships. Our boundaries are internal markers that tell us whats ok for us, what feels good, and matches our values and desires, and, on the other hand, what goes against our desires, needs and values.And, chica, these need to match! Just cause something feels good in the moment does not necessarily mean its in line with your values. Josefina Lopez (author of Real Women Have Curves) talks about Latinas tendency to gossip. That might feel good but if were tearing down our hermanas, is this what we really want to do?Just so were clear, our boundaries are not something that should keep us locked in. Our boundaries are not about holding us hostage, or keeping us from taking risks. Our boundaries are like our front door. We can LEAVE any time we want, but no one should come IN without an invitation. Once you understand the concept of boundaries, you need to see if you can identify where your boundaries are! Sometimes our own boundaries are so movable, we dont even identify them to and for ourselves. And this can be a first step to knowing whether or not were really guarding our boundaries and taking care of ourselves. What do I mean by guarding boundaries? For example, are you someone who needs a lot of sleep? Do you make sure you get to bed at a certain time each night? Or are you able to sleep in if you stay up late? Or, on the other hand, if you arent able to get enough sleep do you just shrug your shoulders and drink an extra cup (or six) of coffee, suffer a headache, and keep moving? Guarding boundaries in this case would be doing what you need to do to make sure you are getting your true biological needs met. You need to take care of you so you don't get sick, get a disease or worse! However, the real trick with boundaries is in relationship to others. And for Latinas, this is a special challenge, particularly with family and loved ones. Because our family is usually so close to us, and because we want to please them, help them and protect them, we often undertake actions that might not be the best for us. So, how do we choose which boundaries are set in stone, and which ones are a bit more flexible? You probably have the experience of having someone close to you, such as your parents, ask or require! you to do something. This request might be something like picking up a prescription at the drug store, or paying your sisters car payment, or even not going away to college because thats too far away. Its up to YOU to decide which of these feel ok to you, and which ones dont. Sometimes we can figure out how to accommodate requests while still being true to ourselves, and sometimes in ORDER to be true to ourselves, we have to go against the desires of others. This happens over and over again in our daily lives and its a different phenomenon for us as Latinas than it is for other cultures. Its not a simple matter of living your life and everyone elses desires and input are for the birds. Its a balance. How do YOU find this balance?
What,Are,Boundaries,especially