You,Know,the,Difference,Betwee DIY Do You Know the Difference Between Boundaries and Walls?

When starting a new work at home business it is very easy to become consumed by it. We spend so much time trying to get the business up and running that we may end up becoming burned out and lose our motivation. There is so much to learn and Normal 0 false false false MicrosoftInternetExplorer4 /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;mso-style-noshow:yes;mso-style-parent:"";mso-padding-alt:0in

Butwhen my self-confidence was weak, I didn’t think I had another option. Nor wasI fully aware of what I was giving up. Indeed, my walls effectively preventedme from enjoying the richest of human experiences: true intimacy. Asopposed to impenetrable, titanium-clad walls, healthy boundaries are bothflexible and permeable. They allowyou to build deep, rich relationships at your own pace.  Whenyou begin a new relationship, it’s natural to have lots of boundaries, and they’llbe firm. Over time, trust supplants the need for firm boundaries. As you slowlybuild trust, your boundaries will soften a bit. Flexible boundaries make true intimacy possible. Without a process for easing ourselvesinto vulnerability, no one would be willing to risk it—no matter how cool it sounds.You’reable to really open up and be deeply intimate only when you feel safe andtrusting. So you can use healthy boundaries as a tool to build your capacity toembrace and enjoy ever-deepening levels of intimacy.And the Walls Come ATumblin’ DownLet’s connect the dotsbetween how you set boundaries and how you get your needs met. In other words,how you balance your needs with others’ needs. If you don’t have healthyboundaries, you’ll allow others to take too much from you too often. You’llalso be clueless about when to stop giving to others, until you get thatfamiliar feeling that it’s gone too far. Feeling overcommitted isa signal that you have a weak (or nonexistent) boundary. Usually it’s because you don’t know how to say no,or you don’t feel strong enough to stick to your guns. If this is the case,eventually, you’ll put up walls to protect yourself.And if you fear being seenas aggressive or selfish, you’ll hesitate to ask for what you want. Ironically,the walls that were built for protection can become a prison. No one gets in orout.Your life will feel ofbalance. Instead, you’ll find yourself swinging back and forth betweenresentment (not getting enough) and guilt (not giving enough). But there’s athird, more powerful choice: set firmer boundaries.You can learn how to setboundaries around what you can’t, don’t want to or aren’t willing to give.The first step is topinpoint what keeps you from saying no when you mean no. Perhaps you won’t say no because:• You have a habit of agreeing immediately• You likeaccommodating others• You truly wantto help those you care about.The next step is toidentify the fears that prevent you from saying no and sticking to your guns. Are you scared of rejection, either by being judged or abandoned?If your deepestmotivation is to avoid rejection, you’ll settle for safe, but superficialrelationships. However, you’re notstuck with just two choices: avoid rejection or go all-in.The profoundjoy of deep intimacy is the payoff for not ignoring, but learning how to managethe risk of being rejected. The most poignant,challenging aspect of relationships is developing the ability to be ever morevulnerable as intimacy deepens. This leads tothe process of calculating risk as opposed to taking a gamble. In a nutshell,you’ll look for ways to stack the “odds” in your favor. You’ll act in atrustworthy manner and you’ll learn how to spot trustworthy behavior in others. With every riskyou take, you’ll learn more ways to have the kind of relationships youwant—thus skewing the odds more in your favor with each subsequent risk. The more calculatedrisks you take, the more likely you are to get the outcome you want: the joy ofdeeper intimacy in all of your close relationships.It Starts Inside YouWhenyou practice setting a boundary with your loved ones, you’ll begin to balancegiving to others with giving to yourself. Itfollows that your own behavior will match the limits of the behavior you’rewilling to tolerate from others. Setting boundaries starts inside. I’mspeaking here about integrity. In order to be in integrity, your external boundaries will correspond with your internal boundaries. The behavior you stand for—and won't standfor—in yourself and others matches. Butour society trains us to have a big blind spot here. It’s easier to judge theinappropriateness of others’ actions than to look closely at your owncontradictions. The downside is, any time you don't take full responsibilityfor your actions, you lose integrity.Here’sa common example. Let’s say you have a boundary that your partner can’t yell atyou under any circumstances. But at the same time, you think it’s okay for youto yell at them, if you can justify it (well, you provoked me with your snidecomment) or rationalize it (hey, I had a tough day).Theaverage person has at least a few incongruous boundaries. With someself-reflection, you’ll spot the inconsistencies between your internal andexternal boundaries. As I say over and over, awareness is 85% of the gig. It’sa pretty simple process to choose a more congruous action once you clearly seewhat you’re doing. Withtime and a little practice, you’ll find your balance. You’ll learn how to sayno and make it stick. You’ll master the skill of making a request withoutmanipulating, demanding or coercing compliance—or feeling guilty, either. And—bonus!—yourconfidence will grow every time you consciously choose to act in accordancewith your integrity. Indeed, creating boundaries that maintain your integrityis the highest form of respect for yourself and others.