Love,Anger,and,Paradox,All,sud family Love, Anger and Paradox

Raising a family can be challenging and stressful at times. However, the common goals and emotional, financial, and physical investments made can be a common bond between husband and wife. One that compliments their marriage relationship.Of A lot of women avoid wearing nice clothes when they getpregnant because they believe that they look fat or ugly. You know that there’snothing more beautiful than a pregnant woman glowing and smiling, so youshouldn’t hide your body during p

All of a sudden, babies are showing up all over my radarscreen.Perhaps I should explain: In the past week and a half, fourof my clients have had babies, and at least one more is due in the next monthor so.Of the new crew, all but one are first children.While all new arrivals have a way of stirring the home-lifepot, it seems that first children come naturally equipped with a heftier spoon.No matter how many books one has read, regardless of how many videos one hasseen - or how many gigs of information have been downloaded into one's craniumfrom well-intentioned friends and family - there is simply no way a new parentcan be perfectly prepared for what actually shows up.Sometimes it's the wonder of it all - the sheer delight andoverwhelming fullness that comes with witnessing a new life that, oddly, looksback at you through eerily familiar eyes. Sometimes it's the sense of beingtouched by forces far grander and infinitely more powerful than imagined. Maybeit's the flood of raw emotion, which one had ever so neatly bottled, corked andshelved, that oozes out- or explodes - stubbornly refusing to stand quietlybehind any level of resistance...When a new child is "in da house," change comesquickly and doesn't really give a hoot, thank you very much, for who youthought you were last week - or five minutes ago.Welcome to "Growth 101." What? You're not sureyour pre-requisite coursework is in order? Oops... Well, no matter... Here'syour final exam... And (wink) good luck!"How can I be so angry..?"I had a conversation with one of those new parents a fewdays ago. While he was, for the first week, as blissed-out as any newbie evergets, the wonder and newness of it all was wearing thinner with each passingday. Sleep deprived and burnt out on a solid week's worth of one-pot meals, hecame to our call confused by mixed emotions and armed with harsh judgmentsabout his capacity to make a go of this whole parenting thing... Here's a paraphrased version of ourconversation:"I couldn't believe how happy I was a week ago..."he said.”Now I feel like I'm the lousiest father in the world. I'm angry at myweek-old kid. He's not old enough for me to be angry at him, but I feelcompletely helpless and I'm angry at myself for getting angry at him! Otherparents seem so happy, and I feel like I'm putting on a good face that's justnot real. How can I be so angry..? It's not supposed to be like this!" "What," I asked, "is it 'supposed' to belike?""I'm supposed to be happy. I'm supposed to look at thislittle person and love him, even though I don't know how to help him when hecries at all hours of the night and wakes us up every two hours... and I'mfrustrated...""Here's what I think I'm hearing: 'If I reallyloved you, I wouldn't be angry...' How familiar does that sound?"Silence. Then, "Really familiar... And I do lovehim, so how can I be angry..?""What's wrong with being angry?" Silence. Then, "Um... it just doesn't seem right... I'mangry at him because he does what he does - then I'm angry at myself for notknowing what to do.""What did you do the last time you were a first-timeparent?'""I've haven't ever been a parent before!""Good! Now that you have that detail figured out, whatare you telling yourself - with your depth of experience - that you 'should'know?"Silence... More silence... Then..."Oh...""Oooh... I wasn't expecting this, and of course he'sdoing exactly what he's supposed to be doing...""And you're learning via the accelerated plan.""Yeah - I am. I guess I can love him and beangry." Pause. "I can love him and feel helpless... I don't have todo this Hollywood-perfect..."Maybe it's our peculiar western conditioning that helps makeshallow mud of our emotional range. Perhaps it's the dark side of "thepursuit of happiness" (Ever notice that it doesn't read "Theall-the-time attainment of happiness?") that has us buy intothought-habits such as "happy = good, sad = bad" or "joyous =excellent, angry = yucky." The result, of course, is that we resist"bad" emotions and end up flogging ourselves silly over feelings thatwe perceive as less than ideal.The good news - and the bad news - is that resistance toemotion is almost always far more painful than the emotions themselves, andmost of us are very well trained to resist. Can you say ouch..?What if different emotions simply feel - well... different?Like everyone, I've felt incredibly alive in times of greathappiness. I've felt powerfully alive in times of deep anger, pain and grief,too. I'm grateful for the gift of feeling deeply regardless of the flavor.There's magic across the entire spectrum - if one is willing to let go of thewalls of resistance and float in the moment... I've yet to meet a parent who has never had the experienceof being angry with a child. Nor have I met a parent who hadn't wondered whenthings weren't going as they were "supposed" to, if they weren'tgetting it right.Call it a cosmic design flaw, but we parents have thedistinct double-disadvantage of being one-hundred percent human, and comingface to face with that humanity in every interaction we share with a child.I have a confession - stop the presses... I get angry at myson sometimes - more often than I'd like to admit. My anger can be fierce andfrightening and real.I also love him with a depth and ferocity that reaches tothe bottom of my soul.Both can be present at the same moment. Paradox... When anger comes, love doesn't run away.I'm thrilled for my client. He's going to be a brilliantfather. I'm thrilled for his child - he'll grow up in the presence of a manwho's learning - early in the game - that to play the beautiful music of fullyloving a child, one gets to practice the entire range of the scales that areour human emotions...How cool is that..?