How,Discuss,Family,Concerns,ab family How to Discuss a Family's Concerns about the Safety of Your

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Plan to Talk about Future Living ArrangementsDeciding when and how to discuss a family's concerns aboutthe safety of your aging loved one is difficult at best. Family and friendsrecognize signs that tell them their aging parent should no longer be livingalone, but how does the family address their concerns with the parent? How doyou talk to your father about his ability to continue to drive safely? Avoidingthese difficult topics does not make the situation go away and family dynamicsbecome tense.Tara Koestner, Administrator, of The Continental at St. Joseph's(CSJ) Assisted Living Center advises families to start these discussionsearly while aging family members are still doing well. By having sensitivediscussions while the aging adult is still doing well, the family improvestheir chances of a smooth transition from independence to increasingdependence. Ideally, the family can develop a plan that respects the wishes oftheir senior family member as to where they will live when they become frail.The most important step is getting the discussion started. Tara recommendshaving a plan to start the conversation. She has developed the follow list oftips to assist family members feel more comfortable discussing their concernsabout their loved ones future health and living arrangements:Tips for Initiating a ConversationExtended familydecision makers need to agree in principal. Although extended family members may not agree as to whentheir loved one should have assistance with daily living, hopefully, they canagree on the type of help (home health, assisted living, skilled care, or longterm care) would be appropriate when assistance is required. The Continental atSt. Joseph's administration recommends that the family elect one person to bethe healthcare "manager" and other family members agree to supportthe manager's efforts. Tara Koestner states, "If extended family memberscan agree in principal first, the decision making process regarding whenchanges are needed to keep senior adults safe goes smoother. Approach the subjectof alternative living arrangements indirectly. Use an example of someone else their age and a problem thatthey are dealing with. Ask your loved one, "What would you do in thatsituation?" Or try to offer some small tips, like using a pill organizer,to manage medications. Watch for openings tothe conversation. Senior adult comments about difficulties or sarcasticremarks about "being put away" may be subtle statements indicatingthat more help is needed. Listen for hints of frustrations or worries yourfamily member may have.  Share your feelings about their changing life. Assure themthat they can always ask you for help when they need it. Be direct, butnon-confrontational. You want to get your point across without making your lovedone feel like they're being interrogated. Use a matter of fact approach with aslittle emotion as possible.Make a list. The Continental at St. Joseph's management suggests thatfamilies consider giving the aging adult a list of questions and concerns andschedule a time to discuss it them. This gives the senior adult time to preparefor the discussion and a chance to think about the types of help that theywould be open to considering. Focus your list on key points. Let your loved oneknow that you do not want to guess about the type of assistance they may wantin future. Guessing can lead to serious mistakes and hard feelings. Discusswith them their concerns about their current condition and their feelings aboutthe future. Tell them the list includes subjects are you worry about and youneed to know their thoughts on the subjects. Try to cover these topics:·        Currenthousing: Is their housing accommodations still ok? Would some simplemodifications help?·        Dailyactivities: Do they need help with house work, laundry, meal preparation,or bathing? Can they hear the door bell and telephone ring? Are they still ableto socialize with friends?·        Mobility:Are they experiencing any difficulty with balance, walking, or getting out ofthe chair? Have they considered using a cane or walker? Can they still see wellenough to drive? Are they able to park the car with ease? Are they able toreact safely to varying road situations? Are they getting where they need togo?·        Health:When did they see the doctor last and what did the doctor say? Areprescriptions current? Do they remember to take their medications on time?Would installing a Life Alert system make them feel safe? ·        Finances:Does their insurance coverage provide for home health care? Would they considerletting a home health aide come to their home to assist them? Do they have longterm care insurance? Are they or their deceased spouse a Veteran and eligiblefor VA financial assistance to help pay for assisted living expenses? Do theyneed to consider making an application for Elderly Waiver Assistance throughthe State Human Resources Department? Would it be a good time for a familymember to be added to the bank account to pay bill should an emergency arise?Who is the financial power of attorney?Tara Koestner warns families to expect some resistance todiscussing these issues. This is normal. Senior adults may try to reassurefamily members telling them that everything is fine or telling you to mind yourown business. But remind them that the family will be dealing with these issuessooner or later, it is best to plan ahead by learning what the senior adult maysee as appropriate for their future so you can respect their wishes:·        Respect their feelings. If they are clearlyavoiding the subject, try again later.·        Push the issues of health and safety, whilekeeping in mind that they are in charge of their own lives.·        Act firmly, but with compassion. If you decidethat it can't wait any longer, tell them that the situation has to be dealtwith immediately.·        Involve other people that they turn to and trustsuch as a minister, doctor, lawyer or family friend.·        Get information from community resources such ashome health care, meals on wheels or a transit bus to get where they need togo. Share these options with them.Most importantly, keep the conversation positive. Try not to'parent' your parents. Continue to treat them as important decision makers. Aslong as their judgment is not impaired, they should be able to make their owndecisions. Discuss all of the alternatives, home health care and assistedliving centers are viable options for helping senior adults bridge the gap fromindependence to accepting help.