Weaving,the,Brokenness,Healing family Weaving the Brokenness - Healing the Wound of Mother Abandon
Raising a family can be challenging and stressful at times. However, the common goals and emotional, financial, and physical investments made can be a common bond between husband and wife. One that compliments their marriage relationship.Of A lot of women avoid wearing nice clothes when they getpregnant because they believe that they look fat or ugly. You know that theresnothing more beautiful than a pregnant woman glowing and smiling, so youshouldnt hide your body during p
My daughter puts her arms around me, her brown eyes soft and beckoning. Her rounded belly and motherly curves rest against me, and for a moment I choke up. She is pregnant with a girl baby whose middle name will be Joy like mine. She will be my first grand-daughter, and my second grandchild. I was named Joy by my great-grandmother, Blanche, the mother of my grandmother Lulu, who spent much of her childhood living with Blanches mother. When Lulu was a young woman, she abandoned her daughter Josephine. Josephine abandoned me when I was four years old, leaving me with her mother. What a heritage!When I look at my daughter, I see the images of my foremothers in my mind--my beautiful but insensitive mother, my intelligent, breaking-the-rules grandmother. I remember their terrible fights and broken dishes that went flying when my mother came to visit, and I think of my grandmothers deathbed, where there was no forgiveness between them. I think of how my mother didnt want anyone to know she had a child, and how I tried to win her love until she died.I was able to break the chains of abandonment, but I still carry within me the memories of these passionate but disturbed women whose genes I carry. I am the last remaining witness to know and remember this heritage. We are the first mother-daughter generation to hug, kiss, talk over our disagreements, apologize, forgive, and have a loving relationship. For this I give thanks every day.My grandmother and mother didnt want grandchildren either. My children were not welcomed, and my mother made it clear the few times she saw my children, they were to keep their identity a secret, too. Her passing on the poison to my children woke me up to how cruel and heartless she was. Over the years, I had adjusted to her rejection of me, but when I saw her teach my children not to call her grandmother, and to lie to the people at her apartment about their identity, I snapped. I never tried to get her to accept us again after that. I had to accept that she never would.This was another pattern. When my grandmother received the telegram announcing my birth, she threw it aside saying,--" the brat is born." Later, she took me in and raised me, but the feeling that I was living on the edge of societal and familial acceptance settled deep into my bones.My story is only one such story about this topic--mother-child abandonment. There are many thousands of such stories in the world, people who were abandoned as children. On my book tour for Dont Call Me Mother--Breaking the Chain of Mother-Daughter Abandonment, people listen with tears in their eyes as I read about the loss and loneliness that I felt as a child, and they cheer me on as I read how I fought to find myself and create a better life. When they come to me afterward to tell me how I have told a part of their story, I understand the tears are for their own childhood losses that are being healed by hearing anothers story. It is gratifying to see that I can use the painful parts of my life to give others hope about creating lives of meaning and joy despite deep early wounds.If you recognize your story in mine, here are a few healing suggestionsHealing Abandonment1. Remind yourself of these things:a. It was not your faultb. You were not a bad childc. Your mother may not have realized how deeply this affected youd. You deserve love2. Create joy and beauty in your life now.a. Gather supportive friends and loved ones around youb. Feed yourself good food, and treat your body wellc. Give yourself birthday parties and moments of celebrationd. Create your own family, whether it is your own children or friends whom you adopt as your new familye. Appreciate each day as it unfolds3. Find the help you need to heal your woundsa. Find a therapist who believes that the past affects the present and can help you work through itb. Write your story--from your point of view all the way throughc. Illustrate your story with family photosd. After you write your story, write the story of your mothers life. Research her life as best you can. Illustrate it with photos.4. Use visualization, meditation, and prayer to get in touch with the life you want to live, and the blessings of your lifea. Meditate in quiet surroundings each day for at least 10 minutesb. Read books that inspire you to love and accept yourselfc. Share with others your healing story
Weaving,the,Brokenness,Healing